271. THE CAUSES OF APPARENT LOVE FRIENDSHIP, AND FAVOR IN MARRIAGES
Since the causes of cold and separation have been treated of, it follows in order, that the causes of apparent love, friendship, and favor in marriages should also be treated of; for it is well known that, although at this day cold separates the minds of married partners, they yet dwell together and procreate; and this would not be the case were there not apparent loves which, at alternate times, are similar to the heat of genuine love or emulate it. That these appearances are necessities and utilities, and that without them homes and hence societies could not hold together, will be seen in what follows. Besides this, some conscientious persons labor under the idea that disagreements of minds between them and their partner, and the consequent internal alienations, are their own fault and will be imputed to them; and because of this they grieve at heart. But since it is not in their power to relieve internal dissidences, it is enough for them to still the troubles which arise from conscience by apparent loves and favors. Moreover, in this way there can be a return of a friendship, within which, on the one side if not on the other, lies conjugial love.
But because of the great variety of material, this chapter, like the preceding, shall be divided into articles. The articles are the following:
I. That in the natural world almost all can be conjoined as to external affections, but not as to internal if these are dissident and come to view.
II. That in the spiritual world all are conjoined according to internal affections, but not according to external unless these act as one with the internal.
III. That it is external affections according to which matrimonies are commonly contracted in the world.
IV. But that if internal affections which conjoin minds are not within them, matrimonies are dissolved in the home.
V. That nevertheless, in the world, matrimonies are to continue to the end of life.
VI. That in matrimonies wherein internal affections do not conjoin, there are external affections which simulate the internal and consociate.
VII. That thence is apparent love between married partners, or apparent friendship and favor.
VIII. That these appearances are conjugial simulations which are praiseworthy because useful and necessary.
IX. That with a spiritual man conjoined to a natural, these conjugial simulations savor of justice and judgment.
X. That with natural men these conjugial simulations savor of prudence for the sake of various causes.
XI. That they are for the sake of amendments and for the sake of accommodations.
XII. That they are for the sake of preserving order in domestic affairs, and for the sake of mutual aid.
XIII. That they are for the sake of the care of the infants, and of concordance in relation to the children.
XIV. That they are for the sake of peace in the home.
XV. That they are for the sake of reputation outside the home.
XVI. That they are for the sake of various favors expected from the partner or from the partner's kindred; thus because of the fear of losing them.
XVII. That they are for the sake of the excusing of blemishes and the avoiding of ill-repute therefrom.
XVIII. That they are for the sake of reconciliations.
XIX. That when the partners grow old, if favor does not cease with the wife when ability ceases with the man, there may arise a friendship emulous of conjugial friendship.
XX. That there are various kinds of apparent love and friendship between married partners, of whom the one is subjugated and hence is subject to the other.
XXI. That in the world there are infernal marriages between partners who inwardly are bitter enemies and outwardly like close friends.
Now follows the explanation of the above.