282. XI. THAT THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF AMENDMENTS AND FOR THE SAKE OF ACCOMMODATIONS. That the conjugial simulations which are appearances of love and friendship between partners of dissentient dispositions are for the sake of amendment, is because a spiritual man, bound by the matrimonial covenant to one who is natural, has no other intention than amendment of life, and on his part this is brought about by wise and refined conversations and by courteous favors pleasing to the genius of the other. But if these fall upon the ears and touch the conduct of the other partner without effect, then, for the sake of the preservation of order in domestic affairs, for the sake of mutual aid, for the sake of the infants and children, and for similar reasons, he has in mind to make accommodations; for, as shown in no. 280 above, the words and deeds of a spiritual man savor of justice and judgment.
[2] The same thing is possible, but for the sake of other ends, with partners of whom neither one is spiritual but both are natural. If the conjugial simulation is for the sake of amendment and accommodation, either it has in view that the one partner may be brought into similarity of manners with the other and be subordinated to the desires of that other; or it is for the sake of certain offices which may be of service to one's own; or of peace in the home or reputation outside the home; or of favors hoped for from the partner or from the partner's relations; besides other ends. With some persons, however, these ends are from the prudence of their reason, with some from native civility, with some from the delights of cupidities familiar to them from birth and the loss of which is feared; besides many other ends from which the assumed favors as though of conjugial love become more or less of a simulated character. There are also favors as though of conjugial love which are assumed outside the home, there being none within the home; but these have in view the reputation of both partners, otherwise they are theatrical.